Grief and Loss

• Do you feel overwhelmed with sadness, guilt, or regret? 

• Is it hard to imagine ever feeling happy or joyful again? 

• Do you have trouble focusing and completing tasks?

• Do you feel empty or lost?

• Do you feel frustrated and angry when someone tells you to get over it?

• Do you feel that others don’t understand you, or that your grief is isolating you from friends and family?

The loss of a loved one affects us in many ways. Grief can feel like you have a hole in your heart and you can't imagine ever feeling whole again. You may feel like if you start crying again you will never stop. You may feel exhausted, have trouble concentrating, and find it difficult to get through routine parts of everyday life. To be bereaved literally means to be torn apart. This experience can be frightening and lonely. Along with sadness, you may feel angry, relieved, or empty.

During your mourning period, it is normal to experience a mixture of painful feelings including sadness, loneliness, guilt, anger, and irritability. Oftentimes, those who are grieving also report an inability to focus, insomnia, irritability, and difficulty finding meaning in everyday tasks. Sometimes, well-meaning friends or family members want us “to get over it” so we can be happy and “move on,” but this would deny what we are experiencing. For many of us, our grief is intricately connected to our love for the person who has died. We must allow and express very human feelings such as sadness, guilt, or regret if we also want to open ourselves up to joy, love, and hope. Our positive and negative feelings are intricately connected and if we attempt to deny our sorrow we numb ourselves.

The death of someone loved changes our lives forever. And the movement from the “before” to the “after” is almost always a long, painful journey....I have learned that if we are to heal we cannot skirt the outside edges of our grief.

Instead, we must journey all through it, sometimes meandering the side roads, sometimes plowing directly into its raw center. I have also learned that the journey requires mourning. There is an important difference, you see. Grief is what you think and feel on the inside after someone you love dies. Mourning is the outward expression of those thoughts and feelings. To mourn is to be an active participant in our grief journeys. We all grieve when someone we love dies, but if we are to heal, we must also mourn.

— Dr. Alan Wolfelt, The Journey Through Grief: The Mourner’s Six “Reconciliation Needs”

In therapy, I can support you on your journey through your grief and we can process your loss together. I can help you take the practical steps to integrate your love and loss, find hope once again, and reinstate meaning back into your life.

Therapy can help you heal

I provide a gentle, accepting, and thoughtful presence that encourages you to process painful feelings and experiences and move toward healing and growth. Together, you and I can begin to process your loss and explore your shifting identity. I will be compassionate with you as you learn to be compassionate with yourself. And, I will be there beside you, supporting you as you process your most painful thoughts and emotions. I help you explore emotional, cognitive, social, physical, and spiritual changes as you experience them and support you in re-connecting with parts of yourself that feel broken and empty. I often use mindfulness and expressive arts to support you in delving fully into yourself and your relationship with your loved one, connecting with your core compassionate, wise self and exploring your loved one’s legacy. My approach is warm, collaborative, creative, and tailored to how your unique experience of loss is affecting you. Don’t be afraid to seek help after a loss—healing after a loss is a journey, and it’s not one you need to walk alone.

Start working with Dani today

Call (408) 357-3025 now to make an appointment with Dani Salzer, MFT or just simply reach out via the contact form below. I look forward to connecting with you.

Contact Form: